Finding Purpose

“If you say that getting the money is the most important thing, you'll spend your life completely wasting your time. You'll be doing things you don't like doing in order to go on living, that is to go on doing things you don't like doing, which is stupid. It’s better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing, than a long life spent in a miserable way.”― Alan W. Watts

I stumbled upon this quote at the end of 2022, and have carried it into 2023 with me. It’s a quote that really stuck with me and I find myself reflecting on it often.

I’ve spent 30 years focusing on “getting the money”. Growing up in a immigrant household, the message was “go to school, be successful so you don’t have to suffer”. My parents grew up during the Vietnam war. There was a lot of uncertainty when it came to getting their basic needs met: food, water, shelter. They had to do whatever it took to survive, and as a result, their “survival mode” really focused around money when I was growing up.

It made sense, money could buy the basic necessities for survival. I would never have to know of the uncertainties that my parents faced growing up. I see this now, and I truly appreciate their fierce protection for my safety. However, the thing about life is it is full of uncertainties. Although, I have my basic needs met, there is still pain and suffering. C’est la vie - such is life.

It’s interesting to reflect on how my family valued education and money growing up in comparison to how my parents value money in the present, now that their basic needs are met. Back then, education was a stepping stone to getting a good paying job to fulfill my basic needs. Now, my parents put less emphasis on money. They say that money will come and go so it’s important not to become fixated with it, because you can’t take it with you when you die.

I didn’t love my career. I saw it as a means to pay for the things I enjoyed. I would spend my money on dining out, traveling, nice clothes, designer bags and accessories. I found myself stuck in the loop, doing things I don’t like doing to go on living, as Alan Watts would say.

The last two years post pandemic, I started living more mindfully. I became aware of my shopping habits. I realized that buying things would never truly fill my cup. Sure, the clothes and things are nice, but they provided a temporary happiness and most of the time I ended up decluttering the things that were often impulse purchases.

I am still getting to know myself. I am defining the things I find fulfilling and putting more of my energy and time into those things. I want to look back on my life and be able to say it was full with things I loved doing.

I look around at the people in my life, and they have a wide range of careers. Some took the plunge and do what they find fulfilling, and they have made a career out of doing it.

I’ve had to shift my mindset from “why them…why do they get to live a fulfilling life doing what they love” to “why can’t I do that too?!” I’ve said that’s enough, I’m done with allowing my anxiety and fear in uncertainty rule my life, because life is uncertain and full of uncertainties. I might as well give it a shot. If others can find their purpose and make money from things they love doing, I can do it too. I can find my purpose and find what sets my soul on fire.