Stillness

Why do we find stillness and silence uncomfortable?

Our society glorifies busyness and a fast-paced life. I’ve reached the age where I have to block out time on my calendar to catch up with friends, and most of the time, we have to plan ahead two to four weeks. It makes sense, we all have different things going on in each of our lives, but I miss the spontaneity of some of my friendship dynamics.

When I schedule downtime, me time, or introvert time, I find my time is mainly spent watching videos on YouTube on content like minimalism, fashion, and sustainability. Sometimes I wonder why I try to define what “downtime” should look like? Why do I still try to be productive during downtime?

Out of curiosity, I looked up the definition of ‘downtime’ online:

“The time during which a machine, especially a computer, is not working or is not able to be used”

The informal definition:

“Time when you relax and do not do very much”.

I’ve noticed that my “downtime” is still very much doing something. However, I’m not a machine or a computer, yet, I’m programed to always be doing something.

It’s taken many years to realize that staying busy is one of my ways of coping with anxiety. If you’re constantly doing something, you won’t have to deal with your thoughts, or your emotions. You fill your time with these tasks and yet even though you are able to cross off each task completed, you feel unsatisfied because there are still other things to do. And so you create another to do list, and this cycle continues. In a state of constantly doing something, a state of mindfulness can be difficult to achieve.

During Covid, while all of us were stuck at home, I started decluttering and selling things I no longer used or reached for. As a result, I started getting into sustainability and became aware of my consumption as well as how much I used to send to the landfill. I became aware of my anxiety and how it was impacting my life. It’s interesting that a worldwide pandemic was necessary for me to pause and sit in the stillness to reflect on values that are important to me, and identify things that were in my control that I could change.

I’m working on a morning routine that consists of drinking coffee or tea in the mornings before I start my day. I open the blinds in my living room and fill the room with the warm sunshine. I sit on my couch and sip on my drink in silence, with my two dogs next to me. There’s a sense of tranquility that I feel when I start my days this way. I do this maybe two to three times a week, but it’s a start.

Today is Lunar New Years, signifying yet another start. Today is a reminder for me to keep going and pursuing my goals for 2023. I hope to continue to sit in stillness, silence, and wander outside of my comfort zone this year.

Happy Lunar New Year! I wish you happiness, health, and prosperity in the new year!