C

Change.

Change is the only constant in life we can rely on. Although change is consistent, it is not easy to adapt to or process when life throws change in your direction. When I decided that I needed to work on changing my cycle of anxious thought patterns and thinking process, I did not realize how difficult this journey would be to become a more positive and better version of myself.

When life throws change in your direction, you can rationalize this change by saying that it was outside of your control. When you decide you need to work on changing yourself, it is a long and difficult journey to unlearn what you’ve been taught by your family and your environment growing up.

I am working on distinguishing my values, beliefs, and thoughts from what I have been taught the last 30+ years. I am working on recognizing and differentiating what resonates with who I am and what I was taught to believe.

In our society, the act of being selfless is seen as kind, caring, and unselfish. Growing up, selflessness was expected, but also praised and celebrated. I learned that it was important to prioritize others over myself. My boundaries and feelings didn’t always matter.

Asian culture has hierarchy embedded within it. I was expected to listen to what my elders had to say, even if they said hurtful things. I was expected to tolerate in silence. Growing up in this environment taught me that it was best to sit in silence and keep my opinions/feelings to myself. Inadvertently this taught me that silence is better than advocating for myself or expressing my feelings. This made me become someone who finds it difficult to understand, regulate, and process her own emotions.

In life, there are instances where it is important to prioritize others and make this sacrifice, but it is more important to recognize when to prioritize your own needs. It has taken some time for me to release the guilt of focusing on myself, and I have to remind myself that it isn’t selfish to do so. When I prioritize myself and my needs, I feel happier and can show up and be a better version of myself for others.

“Never give from the depths of your well, but from your overflow” - Rumi

A note to my readers:

When I first started this blog, I figured it could be a place where I can reflect on my therapy journey and share it with my readers. I thought I could stick to a schedule of a post per week, but I’ve come to realize that I was adding a lot of pressure on myself to try to write frequently, and provide quality content to my readers to reflect on. It made me feel anxious and I took a break from writing.

I recently felt called to start writing again, but this time without the added pressure I put on myself. I hope to post on a more regular basis, but I am still trying to figure out a routine.

If you’ve come by my page to check for new postings during my break, thank you! I appreciate your support and hope to be able to post more often. Thank you for your patience and thank you for reading.